The past couple of years have been riddled with realizations. I have come face to face with shadows from the past which were haunting me, self-limiting beliefs which were holding me back, and a tremendous lack of faith in myself and my purpose. Through navigating the waters of the internal changes brought by allowing these pains to be healed, I began realizing how my life is not a true reflection of who I am and the values I hold. I have watched in solemn silence as pieces of what I had clung to as my identity turned out to be illusions.
This process has been terrifyingly painful and peacefully blissful. The changes taking place within began pushing me to a place of realizing the life I had been spending so much energy trying to build is a life which would leave me feeling drained, empty, and unfulfilled. The vision I had for my life had suddenly become a great void, and all that remained was an empty canvas on which I could draw anything I wanted. While this sounds freeing, it was tormenting because I was at such a loss as to what to draw.
As things continued shifting within me, I began seeing a clearer picture of what true fulfillment means to me. Through meditation, visualization, and many nights spent praying I slowly began forming what my happy ending looks like. The blank canvas of my future became filled with a vision so beautiful it makes me giddy merely thinking about it while writing these words.
But how do I get there?
This is the question which causes so many of us to give up before even attempting to try changing our direction. It is the fine print of many questions I have been asked by others, "What is your plan? What about this? What if you fail?" The only response I can provide to these questions is, "Honestly, I'm not sure how I am going to get there, but I know where I want to end up." Will it be easy? No, the next year or two will require much work to free myself from the financial obligations I had already become enslaved in while living the "Keeping up with the Joneses" lifestyle. But will it be worth it? Absolutely, because it will bring me to another level of freedom.
Earlier this year, I began taking small steps to making this vision a reality in my life. These steps included forming a nonprofit (you can read about it at www.sacredphoenix.org), redirecting my collegiate studies towards Mental Health and Human Services, and beginning the amazing journey (which I will definitely write more about) of a 200 hour Yoga Teacher Training course. All of these ventures were undertaken on the basis of nothing more than faith that I felt strongly guided to pursue each one, and they all have already far exceeded any expectation I could have thought to place on them.
My past has been tragically beautiful as each moment has led me to this one where I am sitting beneath the moon writing these words to the stunning soul hiding behind the eyes of the one reading this. While the journey I have described here is mine, I have shared it in hopes that you will take away this message: Perhaps society, your friends, your family, or even yourself have provided you with a road-map meant to lead you to a destination of riches, status, or perceived security. However, if you are like me and you look at the destination on that map and do not feel inspired, connected, and free then maybe it is not the path for you. Envision where you want to be and just go for it, even if you do not know exactly how to get there. If it is your dream, it can be your destination.