"We do not fear the unknown.
We fear what we think we know about the unknown."
This morning I woke up with a feeling of freedom and wonder I had not felt in quite a while. It is the feeling that comes with stepping into what I like to call the unknown. Interestingly enough, the last time I felt this way was exactly one year ago when I awoke in a hotel room in Dublin, Ireland. While I had no idea what travelling to a foreign country alone would entail, I knew in the core of my being the trip would be the start of a new journey. Here I am, a year later, quite impressed at the turns the journey has taken thus far.
A week before travelling to Ireland, I turned in a notice of resignation at my job of almost 4 years. I did not know what I was going to do for money, truthfully I had no real plan. All I knew is I was not supposed to stay there, but I was comfortable there. The thought of starting over somewhere new scared me, so I found an excuse in mid-March to withdraw my resignation.
Shortly after doing that, my personal life began once again shifting. My heart began guiding me to really begin pursuing something purposeful and taking a path truer to myself, rather than allowing the logic of "impossibility" to hold me back. My perspective began shifting from what was wanted, comfortable, sensible, and expected to what was best for me.
In my mind, the unknown appears as sort of a black hole and the closer you get to it the stronger the gravitational pull becomes. The biggest leap towards the unknown was when I said goodbye to a man I love. It was perhaps the first time I had ever chosen what I deserve over what I want, and that action began a domino effect of events pulling me closer to the edge which separates the known from the unknown.
A year ago I was scared to step into the unknown, scared to be seen for who I truly am, scared to write these words. Also, there was fear at the thought of what might be lost during this transition. Were some things lost? Yes. In moving forward I was moved away from who I perceived to be "the one", my living situation, toxic friendships, a steady job, coworkers who made me laugh, and the general familiarity of comfort I had settled into.
See, it was not all loss though. Even though these things, relationships, and situations were "lost," there were many new things, relationships, and situations which came my way. While it initially felt like I was having to make sacrifices, it turns out it could be more accurately described as making trades. I traded drama for peace, toxicity for nourishment, negativity for positivity, codependency for love, and unhealthy for healthy. The universe came through every time, and watching this new life emerge filled me with faith. The faith allowed me to make bigger moves, larger strides towards where I was being led while also believing in this moment I am exactly where I am meant to be.
Yesterday, I finished what I began a year ago as it was the final day at my job. When I turned in my notice on January 2nd, I had no solid plans for where I would end up. The doubts from last year of "How will I pay my bills?" were still there. But this year something was different because this year I had faith. The faith was again strengthened yesterday when 2 hours before walking out of the office for the last time, I received the official offer letter for a position I had interviewed for and been excited about!
For the next month I will be able to focus on writing, finishing up yoga teacher training, college coursework, snuggling with my dog, reading, working with the nonprofit, and maybe even taking some mini-trips. Once this time period is up, I don't exactly know what life will bring. Starting a new position which requires me to pass a difficult exam in order to keep the position. Living in a new place within a new city. Meeting new friends and having new experiences. The only solid plan I am making for this year is to go skydiving...other than that, it is largely unknown.
The freedom and wonder I spoke of earlier are present because at this moment anything is possible and there is endless room for magical happenings to occur. This morning I woke up on the edge of the unknown and all I know about it is it's where I am meant to go...and sometimes that is all you need to know. Just have faith and go for it!