“When you stop bleeding the shark swims away.” – Afsaneh Mirfendereski
Over the past several weeks I have come face to face with a situation I had been emotionally avoiding dealing with for months. When it came to a head last week I had a startling realization. My first thought was, “I cannot wait to get out of this town and away from this.” For a few months now I have been planning to move out of state next year. While I have made various excuses for why I was planning this move to family and friends, the truth was realized last week. The only reason I was planning to move is so I would never have to face this situation again and I wanted to stop being reminded of it in the memories this metroplex holds.
Last week, however, I became aware of the truth and it jolted me. Once again, so slyly, I was planning to run away. In the past I have done this same thing and I was aware of this streak in myself. This time, I did not even see it as running because I had convinced myself I was doing it for me. In truth, if I were to move just to escape this situation I would be giving it more power over me for years to come. For the entirety of my time in that new place, each time someone asked me why I had moved I would be reminded of it. Every time I missed my home, family, and dear friends in Texas I would be reminded of why I cannot go back.
For the remainder of last week I wrote about this, prayed about it, meditated on it, and came to the conclusion running is not the answer. Facing it within myself and standing strong in the faith that “All things work together for good” (Romans 8:28) is the true answer.
Because maybe sometimes where you are meant to be takes you closest to the thing you fear, the thing that has broken you before. Maybe it is a test to see if you believe in yourself and the plan God has for you more than you fear having your heart broken again. Maybe it is a catalyst to propel the inner healing of the past which haunts you so you can become strong enough to do what you were created for.
It is for these reasons, I decided last Friday to stay in Texas. This is not to say I will not relocate someday, but if I do it will be done from a place of knowing it is something I am doing for me and for my family & future. Even more, I decided to stop putting off what I had been scared to complete because it would commit me to projects here. So, I took a big step for the nonprofit I run, Sacred Phoenix, by applying for tax exempt status with the IRS. Furthermore, took the leap of faith and started my own business. While In Broad Moonlight until this time has been a blog, now it is an LLC. Beginning this week, I am offering private & corporate yoga classes. In 2020, upon completing all certifications, I will begin offering birth & postpartum doula services mainly geared towards single women who are not running from their given challenge of bringing life onto this earth on their own.
Why? “When you stop bleeding the shark swims away…” and when you stop running from healing you can begin to live in freedom.
What are you running from? Why? And what could happen if you stop for a moment, identify why want to run from it, and instead face it?
The solution of what you need to do may not be easy, but the answer will be simple. You just have to quiet your mind enough to hear it.