For me, 2020 is not only the beginning of a new calendar decade but also the beginning of a new personal decade as I stepped into my thirties a few weeks ago. As promised, here is the 2nd list of 30 lessons learned before 30. If you missed the first list, you can read it here. Some of these are taken directly from my first published book of poetry, Sacred Phoenix, if you have not picked up a copy yet you can get it on Amazon.
Happy 2020! May it be a year filled with new connections, strength, love, and lessons.
1. Do not run towards someone who walks towards you by giving all your energy & attention to them as they only give you a fraction of theirs.
2. If for any reason you are ever faced with choosing between your mental health or physical health - Choose your emotions. Remember, the body controls only that while the mind controls both. Losing your physical health while you’re emotionally strong lessens the damage, but if you lose your emotional health the physical health will soon follow.
3. To be vulnerable is to be brave.
4. What you leave unspoken, untended, and unmended are the things that will come back to haunt you. So say it, fix it, heal it...before it is too late.
5. Sometimes the path you are meant to walk takes you closest to what you fear most.
6. Stop wasting your time trying to decipher if the particular story you are living will have a happy ending. Just be grateful you are living the story.
7. Love doesn’t hurt. What we expect from those who claim to love us hurts. Lose the expectation, embrace the love.
8. Do not get so focused on the details of who or what you want to be a part of your dream life that you lose sight of the dream itself.
9. When you begin loving yourself you naturally move away from those who do not love you and gravitate closer to those who do.
10. Do not wait until someone you love is dead to send them flowers.
11. Sometimes you meet someone and you know your world is better now that their soul is in it. If they don't chose to stay forever, do not be sad. Their soul still exists and it’s making
someone else’s world beautiful.
12. Next time you are begging God to take away the grief, sorrow, or pain in your heart just remember - If God took away the pain when it is at its greatest you wouldn’t be able to learn the lessons the pain is trying to teach you.
13. A decision is not something you only make once. You make it every day. And each moment presents you with the magical opportunity to make a different one.
14. Be gentle with others. You cannot know what the heart they are showing you has endured, or what the eyes you are looking into have seen.
15. In trying to impress people you begin to lose yourself. The very act of trying to impress means only showing the polished parts of you which you think they want to see. If you do not believe you are good enough as your genuine self, how could you expect anyone else to?
16. Be wary of those who say “I love you, but...” Whatever comes after that conjunction holds precedence in their mind to love, so they do not yet understand what love is. But in your wariness, be gentle with them so they may begin to feel the true meaning behind the words they speak.
17. Focus your energy on what you still have rather than on what you have lost.
18. Never give your whole heart to someone who uses it as a wall to hide from their own healing.
19. When you deny your destiny, you set yourself up for disaster.
20. You have a voice and you are allowed to use it.
21. Someone who is meant to be in your life will love the life you have built.
22. You do not need to be careful what you wish for. You need to be careful what you settle for while believing it is that wish come true.
23. Do not lower yourself to match someone’s energy. Stand there and say “Regardless of how you treat me, I will love you still from a distance because that is what I am.”
24. The most valuable words you can say to someone are not “I love you”...they’re “I choose you.” Choice is more largely demonstrated through action and these are the actions of someone who loves you. “I’m busy, but I choose to make time for you. I’m tired, but I choose to listen to you. The world is standing between us, but I choose to choose you.” Yes, that is the way to a true lovers heart.
25. Stop putting off your dreams while waiting for someone to accomplish them with you. Buy that house, visit that country, start that business, move to that place, adopt that animal, have that baby. Do it on your own and silence the voices that say you cannot.
26. Age doesn’t accurately determine wisdom, experience does.
27. You will stop fearing the darkness once you become aware you are a light.
28. The only way to grow is to allow yourself to be exposed to elements outside of your nature, even if they seem dangerous. A soft & vibrant rose cannot bloom without being exposed to the delicate balance of rain which could drown it and sunlight which could scorch it.
29. Your soul which was created by God/Love yearns to draw closer to it. Do not force it, do not fight it, just allow it.
30. Love is not a feeling, it is your nature.
A final note. Sometimes in that strange stage between sleeping and waking I hear songs to be composed or words to be written. On September 18th of 2019 I had this experience and heard the words, “So, she turned her heart into a furnace burning strong with her wildest dreams, boundless faith, and fierce imagination. For she had learned wishes coming true are to be created, not granted.” I hope these lines represent what the upcoming year of 2020 is for you and this time next year you can look back and see that you took the broken pieces of your life into your own hands and molded them into something beautiful.